Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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