wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
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