Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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