What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
