I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Randomize
