i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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