Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
