Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
