it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
