I faked an abortion last night.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
