News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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