WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
