I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
It was like giving head to a cactus.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
