I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Randomize
