Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
