I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
