I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
