doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
