David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
