I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Randomize
