Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
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