she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
