maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
