I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
