everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
3 2 1 whiskey
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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