The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
