Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
