I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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