can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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