My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Randomize
