Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Randomize
