Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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