just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
