Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
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