i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Randomize
