i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
