Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
