so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
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