Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
