That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
