How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
