are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Randomize
