Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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