My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
