Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
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