i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I seem to have left my pride at pride
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
