she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
