its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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