If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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