I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
