Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
