i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!