I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Randomize
