Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Randomize
