I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
23 People Confess The Trashiest Thing They’ve Seen In Person
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
19 Transgender People Reveal The First Sign That They Were Trans
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
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