oh good, I think they're gone
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
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I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
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Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.