They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
