it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
