I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Randomize
