oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
