you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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