How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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