No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Randomize
