I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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