You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Randomize
