he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
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It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
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Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
So vagazzling was a success
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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