I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
is wine microwaveable?
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize
