So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
