You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Randomize
